“I got slapped growing up, and I turned out fine.” “My parents hit me when I deserved it,  and I learned my lesson.”

Sound familiar?

These phrases are deeply embedded in our culture, passed down like mantras from one generation to the next,  often said with pride, sometimes with pain, always with resignation.

But what does science have to say?

Over 50 years of research tells a different story. A powerful, uncomfortable, and urgent one.

The Research Is Clear: Spanking Doesn’t Work (And It Causes Harm)

A study published in Child Development (2021) led by Jorge Cuartas and Harvard professor Katie McLaughlin shows that spanking causes lasting changes to a child’s brain, similar to those seen in children exposed to severe abuse.

Using MRI scans, they discovered that spanking increases activity in brain areas responsible for emotional regulation and threat detection. In other words, the brain of a spanked child may become wired to live in fear.

These children may become more sensitive to perceived threats, even when none exist, like facial expressions that are neutral or friendly. Over time, this rewiring contributes to:

• Anxiety and depression
• Difficulty concentrating and learning in school
• Poor emotional regulation
• Lower self-esteem
• Increased aggression or withdrawal
• A distorted belief that violence = love, punishment = care

Spanking Isn’t Discipline, It’s Dysregulation

From a neuroscience standpoint, physical punishment activates a child’s survival system, not their learning system. Instead of reflecting on what they did wrong, children who are spanked are likely to internalize:

I’m bad.

I deserve pain.

I can’t trust the people I love.

Worse, it models violence as a form of communication, and that belief is often carried into adult relationships, creating cycles of toxic dynamics.

We’re Behind, But We Don’t Have to Stay There

As of today, only 62 countries in the world have banned corporal punishment in both public and private settings. The United States is not one of them. In fact, nearly 1 in 3 American parents still report spanking their children regularly.

Countries like France, Sweden, and Colombia have already taken legal steps to eliminate this outdated and harmful practice, recognizing that children’s rights to safety and dignity are not negotiable.

So Why Do So Many Still Defend It?

Because it’s hard to challenge the way we were raised, especially when we love the people who raised us. Because it’s easier to say “it didn’t kill me” than to admit “maybe I’m still healing. And I am hurting others in the process”. Maybe because corporal punishment was the norm and even recommended by institutions.

But if we truly want peace, unity, and progress, we have to start where it matters most: in our homes.

I’ve created a petition to ask California lawmakers to finally align with decades of research and global human rights standards by banning physical discipline in private settings, including homes and private schools.

This isn’t about shaming parents. It’s about helping us all do better, because now, we know better.