Growing up in France, I don’t remember many teachers or adults offering praise. In fact, I remember quite the opposite: extreme rigor and a focus on showing students what they could have done better.

Times have changed, and today, the words “good job”, or in French, “c’est bien”, are part of everyday language. Parents and friends use these words to show they are paying attention or to express approval for something they appreciate. The early work of B.F. Skinner on Operant Conditioning introduced the concept of positive/negative reinforcement and punishment. It explains that if we provide an additional stimulus after a behavior we appreciate, it increases the likelihood that the behavior will occur again in the future. While this concept is useful in the short term, research shows it is not as successful, and may even be detrimental, to a child’s development in the long term. In other words, it is a manipulation tactic to get more of what we want, which is incompatible with creating authentic relationships or behavior.

As Alfie Kohn’s article explains, using words like “great job” puts emphasis on external validation and creates “praise junkies.” It removes children’s pleasure and freedom of exploration by telling them how they should feel about their own creation. When we say “good job,” we are immediately assigning a feeling instead of letting them discover it. Similarly, using rewards as a way to reinforce a behavior disrupts the creative or cognitive flow by conditioning the child to act with the expectation of receiving something in return. The article shows this inevitably leads to a loss of interest in the activity and reduced achievement. By relying on praise or rewards, we create students who may stumble on the next task because they are focused on keeping up the good work in order to receive validation. The same can be true for adults as well: chasing praise from a boss, working toward the next promotion, or relying on external feedback when making decisions.

Alfie Kohn suggests focusing instead on offering unconditional support and making neutral observations, asking children to reflect on what they created, or simply staying silent. For instance, if we see a child helping a friend, we might say: “Look at your friend’s face, it looks like helping her with the shovel in the dirt made her smile.” In this way, we remove ourselves from their exploration while showing them that their actions affect their environment. More importantly, they remain curious and creative in what they do and take pride in their work and ideas. 

Living an authentic and interesting life needs to be nourished from the earliest years. Allowing children to explore safely in a warm environment, without compromise, is essential.

Sources:

Kohn, Alfie, and Catherine Scott. “Five Reasons to Stop Saying “Good Job!” – Alfie Kohn.” ResearchGate, 6 August 2025, https://www.researchgate.net/publication/266162321_Five_Reasons_to_Stop_Saying_Good_Job. Accessed 21 September 2025.

Skinner, B. F. Operant Conditioning – PMC, https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC1473025/. Accessed 20 September 2025.